Failure #2

I am 134.6% sure that the Sweet Tooth Fairy does NOT use evaporated milk in her vanilla frosting.... OK OK OK, so had I called anyone else in the fam prior to making this mistake you all would have said the same thing. Probably a big DUH! But how was I supposed to know without trying?? I thought maybe mom and I had made some headway last week, but it turned out the next day that the imitation STF frosting had the most horrid after-taste. Not even close to the pleasure that any item frosted in her delish-ous-ness provides for my palate. Anyway, I will name this recipe "Failure #2" because I wouldn't recommend that anyone, anywhere try it. I just wanted you guys to know that I am devoted to finding out exactly how she makes that stuff. My box vanilla cupcakes need to be rotated.... I'll be right back.

I now only have 7 of my 10 typing fingers, so forgive me for any errors... it turns out that paper towels are not a good barrier of heat... Time to splurge on a hot pad or two. For reals though. Don't try this recipe... and DO NOT try rotating anything in the oven using paper towels.

Let me explain myself: I spent about two hours surfing the internet for a buttercream frosting recipe that didn't have powdered sugar because I am convinced (not so convinced anymore) that STF doesn't use powdered sugar... Axle just started a book yesterday and since that is his new love affair I have to find other things to occupy my time. Anyway, I keep getting distracted! I decided that I would give this recipe that I found on some random website.


BUTTERCREAM FROSTING

1 c. sugar
1/2 c. Crisco
1/2 c. butter
2 egg whites
1/2 c. Pet milk**
1 tsp. vanilla

Beat egg whites until stiff. Add remaining ingredients and beat until sugar is dissolved.

**Google pet milk, that's how I found out what it is... I thought for a minute that I was going to have to go next door and milk the neighbor's dog.

Off to Walmart I went to get the necessary items for my sure to be match. Upon mixing these ingredients based upon the given recipe I soon found that no matter how long I mixed it, it continued to look like chopped up cottage cheese.. it was the strangest thing... so I added more sugar, I can't give you an amount on that because I don't really know... after testing it all I could taste was the "pet milk" so I added another 1/4 of a cube of butter and a little more sugar and then the extracts... It turned smooth at that point, but when Axle tasted it he was not a fan. He said "It tastes like butter with some sugar mixed in." Which... I'd have to agree with.

Anyway, I think I have the correct extracts for the STF frosting... those being coconut and almond and of course vanilla. So I added oh....... maybe some teaspoons.

So since reading this was all just a big waste of time... I'll let you go. It's time to try to pull out the cupcakes that are about to be frosted with "Failure #2". I think I'll try to deliver some to my home teachers... maybe that will teach them to leave me be.

Oh and P.S. I'd pay $11.99 for the Sweet Tooth Fairy to make me a cupcake right now.

YES! I do realize that my frosting skills are out of this world. Axle exclaimed that they look like "albino turds!" Exactly what I was aiming for. I'll add these photos to my portfolio and send them with my resume to be on Ace of Cakes.